submission

“Submission depends on the individual’s ability to align his will with that of the dominant and use his intelligence to fulfill her wishes gracefully and efficiently.” -Christina Abernathy, Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual

i read this quote and i thought and felt many things.with my pending graduation from college i'm not exactly sure where to go next. i'm lost on what i should, what i should be but more so how my choices will affect my service to my master i am not exactly sure how to align my will with his. i know what it is that he wants from me, and what it is he wants for us. 

to be honest though i'm still a little a lost, it should be enough that i know that he wants the bed made daily, the kitchen spotless after i have cooked, the floors cleaned, the recycling taken out, his clothes washed ironed and put away, everything to be put back in its place. but with all of that i still hunger for more, i still feel like there is more for me to provide, a better way to service him. 

i'm learning that he loves for me to suck his dick and after he cums he prefers that i suck on his in the way that a baby would a bottle because it helps him go to sleep faster. i'm learning that he loves to use my body more, waking me in the middle of the night so that he can fuck me and if i cum i'm lucky and if i don't oh well. 

thinking of all of this i'm realizing that i'm doing it again. i'm trying to top from the bottom. by not following his will, his way, i'm always pushing him for more by acting out or just plain forcing his hand i'm not allowing the head of this relationship to lead and that isnt what i want. 

i wonder if i am alone in this? i wonder if i am the only one in my over excitement to serve if i am the only tries to step ahead instead of aligning their will with their master's will.