reflection

How did you meet the person you serve?

my first day back to school my sophomore year i remember seeing him across the lawn getting ready to get on the bus home. i ran up to him almost literally attacking the poor man, i hadn't realized until that moment how much i had missed him, and it wasn't until he was hugging me that i realized how much i liked him. 

5 years would go by before he would ever know that i had feelings for him. i will remember how pissed i was that he would ask out all the girls that i knew, and others that i didn't but he never approached me. i never said anything because i was and still am a traditionalist, i believe firmly that the man should approach a girl if he is interested never the other way around. well that was until i asked him to the senior prom, that was my one and only time asking a man for anything and it was a lesson learned because he said no.

it wasn't until college that we both exchanged our feelings for each other, but by then we were really good friends and i didn't want to fuck up a good thing. and then, well then i got pregnant by someone i later found out i didn't know all that well and i would later be disgusted by the mere thought of him but i love my child. he became her godfather. 

off and on for a while we went sadly destroying relationships and hurting others in the process, i knew i wanted him but i never pushed i wanted him to want to be with me and try to force him into something. its funny how things work out i never knew the side of him that i know now, i didn't think it was possible with him. 

i did know, this one thing and i tell him this all the time, i knew that once we were together that it would be forever. it use to scare the shit out of me, i wouldn't be able to breathe, my heart would beat really fast. even though i had these feelings i never thought he noticed me, i thought that he was an amazing guy and completely out of league. 

to be very honest i will admit (though i never told him this) that for two years i ran from him not out of fear of fucking up our friendship but i ran because i knew that he was it for me. i feel like i wasted so much time, we wasted so much time because oddly enough when i was ready i felt like i didn't deserve him, sometimes i still feel like he deserves better than who i am and what i'm offering him. i feel blessed to have the opportunity to spend the rest of my life serving him and correcting an old mistake. 

uhhgg, no our time apart wasn't a mistake our time apart helped to shape us into the people we are today and i wouldn't change that for anything, damn he's an amazing man.