a slap to the face

in the past few months sex between him and i has changed dramatically in the sense that there seems to be a big power kick with him. it happened one night when we were in the middle of having sex and his hand was wrapped around my neck and he asked me a question that i should have know the answer to and he slapped me in the face after the second slap to the face he and i both came so hard it was amazing.

the feeling was amazing but i know that it scared him more than it did me because the both slaps were not soft or playful they were serious slaps that carried some serious weight. i know it worried him because that was the first time he'd ever done something like and he was worried about it leading to other things and me seeing him as abusive. i could never ever see him that way.

my earlier search for a spanking might have found a reverse find of relief the exchange of power the true submission of his dick sliding into me as he wraps his hands around my throat and strokes my vagina with his dick and then just when he is about to cum he slaps my face and asks me whose am i and i get reminded of my place. i never knew a slap to the face could do so much.

searching for a spanking

life living with a child and my younger brother has become very challenging to practice anything. and even when we do have the time like we did this weekend we spend it enjoying each other which is why i can honestly say that i am longing, in heat for, in desperate need of a some really good maintenance spankings.

in fairness to the amazing man that i am with he honestly does so much parenting me and our daughter in addition to going to work while i stay at home being happy Susie homemaker. it seems unfair of me to burden him with another thing "to do"

the other night when we were in bed we talked about how things would change once we got our own house (in a place with walls that are thicker) we would do maintenance more and with our own personal bathroom a couple of other things.

until then a girl can only continue to dream for that day to come. that is just sad because i was telling the amazing man in my life how we should be so grateful for the blessings that we have now enjoy where we are in life right now instead of focusing on where we want to be in the future. because once we get there we will look back at this time and say wow what an amazing time we had then.

the housewife

this is the first time for me ever since i've had my daughter that i havent worked some. its weird because now i'm supposed to be a stay at home wife and mother type. with the always clean home and the amazing meals. i wish, first i'm learning to cook as i go so there are six to seven meals that i know that i can cook.

secondly when it comes to the house i suck, i'm getting better but i have always been the type of person who feels like, a little organized chaos never really hurt anyone. plus we are currently living in a house that doesnt have a dishwasher and having to do the dishes daily is killing me, why do them today when they will still be there when i wake up in the morning.

but whats really killing me is, is the fact that i dont, cant see this as a job that should a 110% of me, the hours suck, the pay is horrible and where the hell is the reward, where is my finished product that i can look at a say that hey i accomplished that, because once the day ends i have to start right back over again cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, it is like a hamster on the wheel or an episode of pinky and the brain, where there main goal every week is to try and take over the world.

when i first started this i was excited, happy to be the wife at home taking care of her husband and children, and just making a beautiful home. but then i quickly realized that i dont know what the hell that i am doing my mother didnt teach me how to cook and plan meals non of the women in my family did. they thought it best to keep me as far away from the kitchen as possible, and i didnt learn how to take care of a house or plan menus or schedule things, in my family my parents worked we had chores and things got done when they got done.

i am trying to learn how to submit to the inner housewife in me, i know that she is in there somewhere, i just dont know how i can find her.

moving forward

as things settle with cldd there have been some changes with how things are done in the house. there is now an allowance, there are supposed to be daily maintenance spankings, there are the list of things that my hoh expects to be done often, my attending mass almost daily, and required reading.

despite all of the things that were add i still feel like there are times that i feel like, i just feel frustrated. i know that he cares and that he is very serious about cldd, but sometimes i feel like there are moments when i am pulling him along side me.

making time to attend church together has been somewhat challenging, he loves his family's church but the preacher has changed and he really doesn't care for him so he's been reluctant on attending church. and sometimes maintenance doesn't happen daily it may happen every two days. i know that he is struggling with being comfortable with spankings happening daily, i know that we have come a long way from where we were in the beginning.

i just pray that we continue to progress and grow in cldd.

changes in masturbation

my new found faith, has sparked in me a lot of thought, i know i spoke before about my struggles with faith and masturbation. as things settle down and we each become comfortable in our roles i am finding that it wasnt masturbation that was my issue. learning how to love yourself by yourself discovering what pleases you sexually is a blessing.

it was more so my obsession with sex/pornography, not the masturbation that was an issue. my hoh loves that my sex drive is high, he loves that i read and i bring to him things that i am interested in, and he would never want me to change that, but now that i'm a housewife, a lot of my time has been spent watching, looking at pornography, and i have neglected my responsibilities that my hoh has asked of me.

i will always believe in the beauty of masturbation, and how it helps people to discover self love. i will always believe that G-d will not punish us for masturbating. but for myself until i can learn how to control things i will continue to pray for self restraint. so far it has gone a long way i have been able to focus on my tasks around the house. my hoh is not happy that i haven't masturbated in almost two weeks, i will continue to pray that he sees that i'm not trying to change me or my openness/love of sex i'm just trying to better myself for us.