the housewife

this is the first time for me ever since i've had my daughter that i havent worked some. its weird because now i'm supposed to be a stay at home wife and mother type. with the always clean home and the amazing meals. i wish, first i'm learning to cook as i go so there are six to seven meals that i know that i can cook.

secondly when it comes to the house i suck, i'm getting better but i have always been the type of person who feels like, a little organized chaos never really hurt anyone. plus we are currently living in a house that doesnt have a dishwasher and having to do the dishes daily is killing me, why do them today when they will still be there when i wake up in the morning.

but whats really killing me is, is the fact that i dont, cant see this as a job that should a 110% of me, the hours suck, the pay is horrible and where the hell is the reward, where is my finished product that i can look at a say that hey i accomplished that, because once the day ends i have to start right back over again cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, it is like a hamster on the wheel or an episode of pinky and the brain, where there main goal every week is to try and take over the world.

when i first started this i was excited, happy to be the wife at home taking care of her husband and children, and just making a beautiful home. but then i quickly realized that i dont know what the hell that i am doing my mother didnt teach me how to cook and plan meals non of the women in my family did. they thought it best to keep me as far away from the kitchen as possible, and i didnt learn how to take care of a house or plan menus or schedule things, in my family my parents worked we had chores and things got done when they got done.

i am trying to learn how to submit to the inner housewife in me, i know that she is in there somewhere, i just dont know how i can find her.