where do we go from here ...

so things have been super crazy in my world. i got sick, painfully sick and then i just had an altogether difficult time adjusting to everything. i'm not working, i am now at home taking care of the house until school started this week. Thank God for higher education!!!

it has been difficult adjusting to the limitations on spending, living with someone and learning their quirks and other things. hoh and submission part of our relationship stopped, mostly do to my hoh feeling like i just wasnt listening to anything that he said.

honestly that is the truth, i was angry, upset, and physically sick and in pain. i honestly didnt handle things well, i with drew and i with held. things have gotten better, we are a somewhat clearer place but things are a lot different. what really hurts the most is that he feels that he has to hold back now, the things that really use to get him off, the things that he loved to do he feels that he can no longer do. i dont want any to feel like they have to settle, especially not him.

to be honest i am very unclear about what the next step is but there is one thing that i am 100% sure of, i refuse to put this all on my shoulders, i cant push any more or try to get someone to see something my way, if he is going to be that hoh that he wants to be i realize that he is going to have to come to that all by his self, the only thing that i can do until then is support him in all things.