how do you know you've fully surrendered

i looked up the definitions for three words submit, surrender, and meek for me these three words are equally important to me across the board for it seems that without neither would really work.

submit; to give over or yield to the power or authority of another, to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision

meek; humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others, tame

surrender; to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, to yield or resign in favor of another.

as i considered these three words and my life in addition to my current reading Fear & Trembling i realized that i have never honestly surrender and submitted to anything outside of the sexual arena. what i am learning is that once you surrender and you submit yourself to another you have faith, Abraham and Issac type faith the person that you have surrendered to will pull through. and as a result of that surrendering and submitting the person becomes meek.

i asked myself this weekend if i could surrender and submit all areas of my life? submit emotionally, physically, intellectually, and sexually. i have never had a problem submitting sexually but could i do it in completely?

i have read so many post where women say surrender and submission is a part of the nature, it is who they were meant to be, that once they surrender and submit fully they can't see themselves going to back to living any other way.

how do i know when i've fully surrendered and submitted? i know when i have sexually and the feelings that i experience, i do have to agree i wouldn't want to go back to never experiencing that. but what about everything else? physically, mentally, emotionally? i wonder exactly how does that work, how can you honestly experience in today's world fully?

hopefully with guidance i will move in the direction of figuring out exactly how to do this?

where do we go from here ...

so things have been super crazy in my world. i got sick, painfully sick and then i just had an altogether difficult time adjusting to everything. i'm not working, i am now at home taking care of the house until school started this week. Thank God for higher education!!!

it has been difficult adjusting to the limitations on spending, living with someone and learning their quirks and other things. hoh and submission part of our relationship stopped, mostly do to my hoh feeling like i just wasnt listening to anything that he said.

honestly that is the truth, i was angry, upset, and physically sick and in pain. i honestly didnt handle things well, i with drew and i with held. things have gotten better, we are a somewhat clearer place but things are a lot different. what really hurts the most is that he feels that he has to hold back now, the things that really use to get him off, the things that he loved to do he feels that he can no longer do. i dont want any to feel like they have to settle, especially not him.

to be honest i am very unclear about what the next step is but there is one thing that i am 100% sure of, i refuse to put this all on my shoulders, i cant push any more or try to get someone to see something my way, if he is going to be that hoh that he wants to be i realize that he is going to have to come to that all by his self, the only thing that i can do until then is support him in all things.